Me against myself

So it's been awhile since I last blogged.  I haven't been quite feeling like myself lately and I can't quite put my finger on what it is.  I know what I'm feeling, but I can't figure out why it's affecting me like this and why now.  Some people say being unemployed was the best thing that could've happened to them.  I was ok with it initially, but now, I'm beginning to feel a bit lost in my life.  I can't seem to focus on what my next step is.  Somehow I've made myself too worried, scared, inadequate and almost immobile.  This is not normal for me.  I am typically the happy go getter who knows what she wants and does whatever she needs to to get it.  I almost feel like I need more ME time, alone and away from it all to either find some inspiration, strength and/clarity. 
Aside from feeling down in the dumps, the Napa marathon is right away the corner - this weekend!  Big plus, the weather should be lovely!  Despite the way I've been feeling, I'm really looking forward to this weekend - the run, the little getaway, good food and good friends/family.  If you were to ask me if I felt ready and I had too much time to think about my answer, I would probably say I didn't feel that ready.  I've done the best I could with training as much as I could handle and I've tried to mentally prepare myself for what is to come, but really, I'm just trying not to think about it too much.  I'm running the Napa marathon with my cousin and we are trying to remind ourselves, as well as each other that we're just doing this for fun.  Right, 26.2 miles for fun?!  Ok, that doesn't sound normal to most people I know.

I'm trying to get my mind right this week even though it's been a challenge.  I'm trying my best not to stress out too much, but I'm not sure it's working.  I've had a bad headache since last Friday that keeps creeping its way back and so much tension in my neck and shoulders that I simply haven't been able to stretch away.  At this very moment, I'm sitting in front of my laptop with a heat pad around my neck and shoulders trying to warm away the tension.  I did the 53 minutes of P90X's X stretch today which helped temporarily and now, at the end of the night the tension has come back.  I'm trying to get more sleep, keep hydrated and rest as well.  Tapering always seems to be the hardest on me mentally because I start to play mind games with myself.  I find myself doubting whether I'm prepared enough - physically and mentally.  I find myself wanting to do more, but then holding myself back because I'm also telling myself that I need to hold back and rest my legs.  This will be my 3rd marathon, but the last marathon I ran was in 2006.  It's been awhile.  I hope my body doesn't fail me now.

One of the many things that I need to do to get ready for the Napa marathon/weekend is to pick out my race outfit.  I truly believe that if you look look good, you feel good.  And yes, they say that if you still look cute after your workout, well you just didn't workout hard enough, but to me, that doesn't mean that your outfit can't be cute.  I think it's going to be shorts, one of my Nike sports bras and some long sleeve shirt.  As you can tell, I'm not quite prepared yet, but I will be.  What I would really like is to be able to run like I did in Honolulu back in 2006 (pre-baby) with just a sports bra.  I feel more self concious (post-baby) about my stomach even though I've been working out like a fiend for the last year or so.  I am my own worst critic.

Honolulu Marathon 2006

When the weather was warm, I was really into running skirts.  I was looking through the Athleta catalog that I received in the mail yesterday and noticed there were some new, cute additions.  Here are just a few notable mentions from browsing today:

 

 Swagger skort

 Any sport skort

 Lululemon Pace Setter Skirt

I really want a cute patterned running skirt, but I haven't been able to find what I'm envisioning yet.  Anyway, time to catch some zzz's and get ready for another day closer to race day.  

Healthy deals

TGIF Right?!?

To reward yourself for a great week, perhaps some splurges are in orders?

Beauty:
Spirit Beauty Lounge - Happy Free Shipping Friday.  US Orders of just $30 ship FREE this Friday only with code and method: FSF2012!

All things beautiful and natural! Love this place!

Reads:
Great deal for 2 years!!
$7 for Two Years of Fitness Magazine or $10 for One Year of Yoga Journal

Sparkle always catches my eye

Sometimes I simply cannot resist the cute things out there for little girls.  Here are some of our sparkly new buys this week.  These are actually from Target.  I only went in there needing to pick up some double stick tape.  I always walk out of there with more than I actually needed!  LOL.

Minnie Mouse t-shirt and Hello Kitty hairclips

 Hello Kitty fedora

Reorg time!

Every now and then I get these strong urges to switch things up around the house.  When I get that urge, nothing can stop me.  And once the job is done, I feel so much better.  Yesterday I had the urge to reorganize and clean (every inch of) my toddler's room.  Here is the final result.  A before picture would've been nice, but I wasn't focused on taking pictures yesterday.

I see Ghosts...

It finally arrived today!  I couldn't wait to pop open the huge refrigerator sized box from Hautelook.com to reveal my new lovely, elegant new throne...I mean, chair.  I've been pinning over this for a long time and I finally decided to splurge on my very own Victoria Ghost Chair.  It will be paired with my West Elm Narrow leg vanity in our bedroom.  I feel that because it is clear and doesn't have much "bulk" to its look, it will streamline our room a bit.  The last thing that I need is more clutter as I am still working on getting rid of the clutter that is laying around this house.

It's a love hate relationship

The last few days I've been waking up feeling like I've been run over by a truck.  I'm not sure what the cause is.  It's not like I've been partying or anything or working like a madwoman.  I still haven't been very successful in getting up early to workout, but at least I'm still get my workouts in.  I beat myself up in the morning every time I don't manage to get up when I want to.  Ok, so that's mostly everyday!  When I wake up though, I just want to crawl back into to bed this week, but there is no way I can do that with a little adorable two year old counting on me.  Anyway, when I do take some time to workout while my daughter naps, I feel SOOOO much better.  It really is a love hate relationship with working out lately.  Oddly enough it used to just be a love relationship.  Things have changed though.  Life is different.  I can't spend more than an hour working out, no matter how much I want to.  Sigh....

Do you do resolutions?

Hello 2012!

Resolutions...I would almost say they are a bit taboo to me.  It's almost as if when you make them, you know you're going to break them.  There are definitely a handful of things that I'd like to do differently in the coming year, but I don't think I will classify them under "resolutions".  I think I will make them my goals instead and make sure I keep myself accountable somehow.  Perhaps blogging about it will keep myself accountable.  We shall see.

What would I like to do differently this year?  Well, I never like to say that I am on a diet and I don't think this will be a diet, but I would like to eat less sugar, prepare salads for myself more often instead of eating whatever is in sight because I'm in a time crunch, slow down and enjoy each moment, try to be more patient and I guess get a new job would fall under a goal as well.  I know that with each of these goals there has to be a plan that accompanies each to help me get to where I want to go.

Tomorrow or maybe the day after tomorrow I will "clean up the kitchen".  The sugary things are either going into hiding or going in the trash.  When my daughter was younger and just starting on solid foods, I was so good about buying fresh veggies and fruits and making her food fresh just about everyday.  Nowadays, I think I feel so crunched on time that I just try to prepare whatever I can.  I definitely think I still try to keep it as healthy as possible though as I still buy organic and try to make sure she gets her fair share of fruits and veggies in.  Now that the holidays are over, I think the "treats" need to not be such frequent visitors.  Thanks to hubby, I also downloaded and started using this one app on my iPhone called "Lose It!".  I'm not so much trying to lose a ton of weight, but it's been good to jot down daily what I ate and how I worked out and have it all in one place.

How do I be more patient?  That can be a challenging one.  Ever since I was a little girl, I can say that I've never been very good at being patient.  Not until about my 20 somethings can I say I began to try to be a bit more patient.  When I met my husband, I think he taught me to be more patient as well.  Then, when my daughter came into our lives, I think that truly taught me to be even more patient.  Nowadays, as my ever so active two year never stops until she falls asleep, sometimes it is very hard to keep a cool head and my patience in check.  She's starting to test her limits and test me.  Those are definitely the times that I really need to keep my cool.  I think I need to slow down and instead of getting mad right away, when I realize that feeling is coming on, I need to walk away and take a breather and then come back with a cooler head to deal with whatever the situation may be.  I think another thing I need to try to do is get more sleep and try to get my workouts done in the morning so that I'm not so crunched for time and I can already check my "me time" off my to do list for the day.  Perhaps that will make me feel more accomplished mentally and be ready for the rest of the mental challenges that I'll face the rest of the day.

I've tried to be very patient the last few weeks, waiting on one company to get back to me about a job.  Alas, today I heard back from them and I guess it's back to square one for me.  I'm pretty bummed because it really would've been great to go to work for this place.  I'm feeling pretty down in the dumps right now, but that's what I do.  I dwell for a little while and then I'll pick myself back up.